Thursday, March 12, 2015

the waiting period.

Officially I have been in the "adult" world for five months; Really quickly, lets define the "adult" world. I say it is having a job that takes up most of your time, an 8-5 or if you are really ambitious you work longer hours or whatever, basically you are not in school anymore, your schedule is more set in stone & you actually have to think twice before going out on Thursday nights. 

There are a lot more things that define an adult- age, maturity, paying bills, doing taxes, setting back an IRA, stop watching Spongebob, you know the basics. 

Lately it has been a struggle because in my life, I am set in a half-way point. I have just been wavering in the water waiting for a set date to come along. Which I think is sometimes necessary to move forward; for example if you want your own apartment, you might have to live with your parents for one more year to afford that apartment. In my case, I wanted to move to Chicago but I needed to save some money and pick a date to move. So in this last five months I have just been waiting on myself, waiting on myself to commit to working two jobs, to pay off my last credit card bill from Europe, to decide that I can live without a few things and I can actually just load up my car with whatever fits and go. 

I have learned a few things in this waiting period:

I do not do routine well, forced routine, that is. I can commit to a workout routine and do it everyday, I can eat the same lunch every day but I will go crazy in a normal job, seeing the same people, printing the same reports, doing the same task everyday. It was weird because when I was in Europe; doing the exact opposite of an 8-5 job, I could not wait to come home and enter the working world. I had these thoughts because I am a people pleaser and I think it is impressive when someone has a full-time job that they love at a young age. I have learned this though: I do not have to have a job or even a life that appeases to what other people perceive as my success. In the most un-adult sense people can suck it. I have to remind myself of this everyday. 

I hate hate hate waking up before 6 AM- Please whatever job I get myself into in Chicago do not make me wake up before that hour. (I don't think that unreasonable) 

Sometimes, its okay to not get closure- with friendships or relationships. Sometimes the trying to get closure hurts more than you could possibly imagine.

I still think Zac Efron is sexy as hell. 

If things are right, they will happen. 

The second I turned 23----> hangover. Sad day when I have to think twice before drinking 16 bottles of wine, now my body won't be able to run, let alone move in the morning. 

As cheesy as it sounds, it is important for me and for you, whoever; to love yourself. forgive yourself. be in awe of being you because no one else is going to do it; no one will teach you how to love yourself. When I began loving myself a little better in these last five months, I started naturally leaving whatever wasn't healthy. To me its important to stop admiring the light and be the light. 

Waiting period, as awful as I think it has been, served a purpose.