Ballet for non-majors and OUR HATE HATE relationship

Today marks exactly 17 days until this semester is in the history books ladies & gents.

As of lately my life has changed a lot; this is all because I will be living in West Hollywood this summer. The two thoughts that run repeatedly in my mind are: “FINALS ARE WHEN” & “WHERE WILL I SLEEP TONIGHT” also “I HATE BALLET” but that thought has been a repetitive one throughout the semester. So, I will finally let it out and as of May 10th HOPEFULLY my career will never make me practice ballet again.

Casting Call  for a Prima Ballerina: COUNT ME OUT!

Why I hate Beginning Ballet For Non-Majors:

First of all, let me point out that as a theatre performance major this class is a requirement, this makes you think- “Oh well it wont be so bad, its for non-majors; I am sure everyone will be at the same level as you” and typically I think thats how it is but this semester must have been an exception. I walked in first day with my tank top, leggings from forever 21 and ballet shoes that a friend of mine let me borrow. Everyone else… well every other girl is in a full out leotard-white tights- spiffy broke in ballet flats and  a small framed body. Let me just tell you that I felt extremely out of place. One girl is doing a full out routine in front of the mirror (which she continues to do every day for the rest of the semester) another girl is in a full out splits position with her mouth practically eating her toes and a few others girls are conversing about being a dancer before or about being a current dance major. Everyone in this class has experience– also there are mirrors everywhere and I don’t know about you but I am one of those girls that avoid mirrors at all possible causes. There is no way I want to watch myself fail miserably at ballet for 45 mins. So I have suffered in ballet all semester long- I found a buddy who barely knows what he is doing but he is a big ogre man and it is completely acceptable for him not to be coordinated and its actually really cute. But me…. I look a little like this:

but even this girl is more coordinated looking than me.

Last ballet class, however, I was feeling pretty good about my ballet skills and how I have learned. We were doing our normal dancing ( my dancing being behind two beats,legs flopping back and forth and hands just somewhere in the air) But LAST CLASS– at the bar I was feeling pretty prima ballerina. I was focused, I was on point, I was doing the right movements FINALLY. Then, the professor gets closer to me while taking her stroll around the room; I am pretty sure she has given up on me, so she barely comments on my dancing but today she opens her mouth while walking past me and I JUST KNOW SHE IS GOING TO PRAISE MY WONDERFUL TECHNIQUE. Thats when she says, straight face, “It’s right hand on the bar” I then look around the room to notice all my classmates the opposite way which happens to be staring right at me – I then convert to my manly laugh and try to smile at my professor like “what an idiot I am huhuhuhuh” she doesn’t even smile. — I fail.

also later in that class we did jumps as in both legs, one in front- one behind jumps, when I went the whole class chuckled. I fail again.

To the Girl Who Works at Starbucks Down the Street From My House on Del Mar Heights Road, I Swear to God I’m Not a Stalker

When I asked you for a chai latte, what I meant to say was, ”I was walking past, I saw you in the window. I only came in here, because I had to know what your voice sounded like.” But instead of saying that.. Instead of saying that, I got really nervous and ordered the first thing on the menu, I don’t even know what the fuck “chai” is.. Or a latte for that matter. When God made you, He cussed for the first time. He turned to an angel, gave him a high five and said, “Goddamn, I’m good.” You are that beautiful. I spent the last five days trying to figure out how I’m gonna introduce myself to you properly, and I think I’ve finally figured it out, it’s gonna be something like, “Hi..” That’s all I got so far, but I think it’s a good start. You see, I want that my friends think I’m crazy kind of love, that reckless kind of love, that wake up early make you breakfast kind of love, that crack open my life and say look you gotta see this kind of love, forget the shallow stuff, I want the deepest kind of love, that I want to stay up and tell you all my secrets kind of love, that every time I see you, I fall to pieces kind of love, I want that stand next to me kind of love, that you are my destiny kind of love, that no matter what happens, you always get the best of me kind of love, that you get my heart and my mind, this world gets the rest of me kind of love, that invest in me kind of love, because you already know that I’m invested in you kind of love, that you come home upset, you don’t have to say nothing, I already know what to do kind of love. I want.. I want love.

-Rudy Francisco

hi. this is my first post about being awkward.

It seems to me that nowadays the term “I am awkward” is a glamorous saying. It seems like everyone has “that awkward moment” or ” oh my gosh… how awkward am I?” tagged all over their social media sites and it has been the cool thing to be for awhile now. Don’t get me wrong we are all a little weird and awkward so I am not belittling the awkwardness of one person or saying that I am more awkward than anyone, but when I say I am awkward I do not mean:
” Oh my gosh, I don’t have any make-up on how awkward”
” That guy just totally stared at me, how awkward”
” and like I was just holding my tampons and bread, how awkward”

I mean:
” I just loudly farted in front of my boyfriends brother, how awkward”
” I just walked into a conversation and laughed (sounding a lot like man/bear would sound if they just went HUH) as if I was involved in the conversation”
“I just went to that party and instead of trying to meet people, I just stand there and stare at people with a lip closed smile like I have a secret or I am plotting to stalk that person either way its weird– and the only problem is I NEVER KNOW WHEN I AM DOING IT– how awkward.”
A new friend will greet me l “Hey Sierra, I haven’t seen you in a long time” and I’ll quickly reply with a ” Oh I know, we should plan a date” but instead of that being a normal reply; I’ll sing that reply or revert to this automatic deep voice I use, I don’t know where it comes from it just happens.

so- for me, that awkward pause happens on the regular.

I do, however have some awesome friends that completely understand & embrace my social inadequacies. I also have an admired theatre that liked me enough to offer me a summer internship.
That is the reason I decided to start a blog; I want to be able to share my journey with myself if nobody reads this. Maybe a hopeless internet surfer will google the words “how to play it really cool at an internship” or “how to be sexy, fun, cute, mysterious all at the same time” and up pops this blog or another blog with successful tips on those topics. Whatever the case- I will have it. So, here’s to my first post. I want to go back and read these things and either be completely embarrassed of my 20 something self or go back and think I was blessed to be 20 something so carefree. Perhaps, someday I will look back on all the post and it will re-inspire me to travel or find myself– if I was to ever lose myself.

Cheers!

Sierra