01.04.18

This time last year I was in an emotionally strange place. I was at a work event drowning in the life events that had happened from Thanksgiving-Christmas only to then fall into more emotional despair until about March or April of 2017. I say emotional despair in a sort of making fun of myself way. If you can imagine a very dramatic voice saying: "The beginning of 2017 was quite emotional for me" that would be my voice, making fun of myself for feeling the feelings that I once had. Making fun is my way to deal, to laugh and to remind myself that difficult times are just moments.
What happened?
Well,  my woes and willows (again picture a boisterous woman with a dramatic fan near her saying this)Last year, all at once my father was in hospital, my heart was really sad for an unrequited love, my body got a curable (after enduring the worst pain I have ever felt) disease and overall I wasn't happy. I was a little lost, scared for my father (so scared that I decided the best thing to do would be to not talk to him or reach out to him or think about him for 6 months).
 I was just dealing. All of these things are separate content tabs. My father is a whole story. The unrequited love is another. My own sickness isn't a story its just an OUCH and I can't believe it happened and a shout out to "GET ALL YOUR SHOTS FOLKS"

Lots of stuff happened in 2017- A LOT. I moved to a different apartment away from my boys, my best friends, my family in Chicago. The move alone brought me !!!dRaMa!! and also cue to my sick father I talked about earlier moving in with me for a short two months.
 I went to China honestly out of nowhere but wow. what an amazing experience.
I started a portfolio program for Copywriting and have fallen in and out of love with it for months. I am usually confident in big decisions but I have a lot of questions as to if I made the right one with this program.

EDIT: ***after writing this I hung out with some girls I have met through the portfolio program and I've chatted with some good friends about post college programs and setting yourself up for future success and I know I have made the right decision.***

 I finished a comedy program, that I really didn't think was for me but I can honestly say from all the institutions I have been a part of (OSU, UCO Theatre, CPS, Other Comedy School & another comedy program & a few film classes) This program, I worked at. I cared. I put in effort. I made a commitment like I have never made before. I feel really proud. My work paid off and I believe it's an indication of the type of work that lights me up. The work I will lose sleep over. (said in a less sobbing more full of pride- lady but yes still dramatic) 

So let's talk about today. Today, I am  full of LO LO LO LO-VE for a few reasons.

My Dad is healthy and I think happy and I have a lot to look forward to. 

2018 is kind of a year of <IT'S UP TO ME> 

meaning there are no steps to success anymore. 

no more programs I just MUST complete to make a connection in this theatre or that theatre or learn from this teacher; from here it's apply what you have learned. 

Minus Portfolio which is still kind of ... you are on your own and we will give you "some guidance" 

I still feel like I don't know what I am doing. 

But it's settled. 

It's more of a floating in a little tube unsure of the destination than a laying in a room that is full of feathers and just inhaling feathers and seeing feathers and smelling feathers until you just want to die sort of thing. 

I don't know- weird. 

still running wild. 

Sierra