a list: ways to turn your broken heart into art.

Rearrange your room- make new memories in the new spaces your bed and favorite comfy chair sit.
GO WILD WITH YOUR HAIR.
Create a new way to go home from work.
Try to make drawings with your tears.
Plan a trip.
Go on that trip.
Sing all your favorite songs in a British accent (If you are British try Canadian)
Sleep until you have a creative dream.
wake up.
Write that dream.
Get rich like Stephanie Meyer.
Dedicate a book in honor of whatever broke you.
Or
Go to breakfast at a hotel
get a napkin and write down all the reasons (the person, the event, the thing) broke your heart.
Leave it behind.
Dance to a lot of music.
Cry more & more.
Remind yourself that you are powerful.
and loved.
very.
much.

Thoughts on Big Magic

I've never considered myself a writer. The title alone seems prestigious and far more eloquent than I will ever be. I get caught up in my words, forget what word I am looking for and I mispronounce words often. (Is it a veggie melody or medley?)

I do consider myself a creative. Creative in multiple ways. Doing improv shivers my timbers and design, content creation and sketch writing get me sweaty and excited. The creative part of me lives in several pools and when just when I thought my interest were pulling me in all kinds of stressful, separate directions I started reading, "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

"Big Magic" inspires you to live creatively even if you are not exactly pursuing a life that is dedicated to art. This book basically says "Hey you want to write, be a stylist, a painter, an actor let me help but also want to learn to knit or build computers for fun, let do that too"

The book explains that creativity is only about making things for the sheer joy of making them. Simple.

From the book: “You can live a long life, making and doing cool things the entire time. You might earn a living with your pursuits or you might not, but you can recognize that this is not really the point. And at the end of your days, you can thank creativity for having blessed you with a charmed, interesting, passionate experience.”

I really loved this book.

Why not create whatever starts a revolution in your heart?

a list of: public places to cry (where no one assumes you're sad)

outside in the fridged cold
At the eye doctor
In a hot yoga class
In the fragrance department at Macy's
Near a bunch of children blowing bubbles (soapy eyes)
While petting a strangers dog
Outside of a concert (obviously you are moved by the music)
Anywhere in Target (they get it)
At a restaurant where they cook in front of you (steam in your eye)
Anywhere at the gym
Or
Anywhere at all  (just yell "I've been chopping onions")

a list of things: I dont want to do until Fall 2017

Things I don’t want to do until Fall 2017:


- Be focused (just don’t like it)
- Do my laundry (it can wait a year)
- Achieve career goals (eh) 
- Plan for retirement (will one more year really matter?)
- Date at all (get away from me smelly men)
- Stop crying and laughing at the same time (emotional break downs are fun)
- Drink that cinnamon vodka someone left at our apt. (Probably wont drink it then)
- Go to the dentist (hot damn)
- Become predictable (still having fun)

a list of things: that are better in the winter

a romantic winter themed movie about a divorcee getting their life back.

watching a golden retriever jump around in snow.

oversized fuzzy accessories.

hot cocoa.

window displays.

sweaters.

sparkly clothing.

close conversations.

red noses from the cold (not to be confused with red face from the heat which isn't as adorable)

being very cool with things.

Yesterday.

-Woke up to my morning phone call from Andy, this is a regular thing and it feels like a necessity.

-Got to work and was greeted kindly by two kiddos whom I've accidentally grown very fond of;I have related to the Bad Moms trailer more than once ad I couldn't hold back my excitement when their Mother told me she found a to-go baggy for wipes. (who have I become) 

-Took kiddos to Pickles Playroom because temps were too hot to play outside. Tyle meets up and we memorize audition monologues while children play around us. 

-Got off work an hour earlier than expected and although I am disappointed to be losing the hours, I am excited to go home and make lunch. Homemade pita veggie pizza with a spinach, strawberry, almond salad.

- Tyle and I play Mario Kart and I win. (this is to be noted because I never win)

-We nap. wake up shower (separately) and get ready for the night. I recite my audition monologue as Tyle showers. No time for usual dance breaks.

-I get on the bus to print my resume for my audition. I put in my headphones and keep reciting my monologue (I think it looks like I'm on the phone) 

-I arrive at the theatre painfully early

- I do my assumed 1 min monologue in 40 second or less 

-I leave, jittery and still nervous. 

-Hop on the train to iO to catch friends in a show 

-Get a text from my boss telling me not to come in tomorrow (not in a fired way, just in a your hours are cut short again kind of way)

-Leave iO in a rush because I let my stress overwhelm me. 

-Take a bus to a train then a walk in the rain home ( very dramatic)

-Text Fajher for insight and advice (he tells me I'm panicking for no reason and I agree)

-Still upset binge eat all the kale (and a few cookies)

-Fall Asleep 

-wake up to roommates in my room giving me love. A whispers in my ear how much he misses me. T ask me what I had for dinner, to which I reply "Kale" and he is shocked "That's fucked up- I'm bringing you a nugget" ---- minutes later I realize no one has pants on. "We lost our pants somewhere" 

but they are very cool with it. 

and I am sure everything will be just fine. 

everyday I go to space.

As of now my days are pretty calm. Busy but in a way I can handle it. I have a routine that I have adapted to and for the moment life just makes an okay amount of sense. -Of course I would love to be doing more. Auditioning more. Being in more shows. Making more connections. Writing more. Doing everything more. For once though, I'm not wasting my stress on things that don't matter. Less stress about the romanized version of my 9-5 job. The one I envisioned, the one I thought would really matter, the one I pressured myself to get because I thought it would make me feel worth something. I spent the majority of my first year searching for something that I knew would leave me unfulfilled but it sounds good? Writing it out like that seems silly but I was blinded by self expectations and the fear of letting myself rely on my actual dreams to make me happy.

The job I have now kind of found me in a way. I won't write too much about it but I spend time with two wonderful kids and spend most of my day pretending the kitchen table is a space ship that takes us to school but we never make it to school because we end up frozen in the realms of space!!!!!!
Its fun. I am happy with it.

On the other end of things (the side hustle, the dream, the not day-job) they are just going. I am about to finish up two comedy curriculums to which I will then enroll in another program and dedicate another year to learning comedy. Things are going.

Much like my day job I feel like I get frozen in the realms of comedy space. I'm moving forward, I'm spinning around, I'm going backwards.
Its fun.
I am happy with it.

Cheers!
Sierra