Friday, September 19, 2014

Van Gogh inspired this post

I visited the Van Gogh museum and I am extremely ashamed to admit that this bored me to tears. 

I want to be this artist who apreciates and loves every other kind of art; who happily goes to museums and reads every word; someone who is absorbed in the way a stautue leans or the way the brush stroke opposes another brush stroke- I badly want to be a collegite woman- a lady in a scholar as my favorite high school teacher would put it but today I was not. 

It is not that I find Van Gogh uninteresting or a boring person- I think his artwork is incredible and the way he was influenced by the French and the way he has influenced modern art today is still amazing. 

its not that I dont like history- put me anywhere around history of theatre and I could probably go back several times still loving every second of it- I adore castles because I like to imagine the families living inside them- I like to know every aspect of history that surrounds a castle so I can imagine just how these people lived; what was it like to grow up there; what kind of people were loved here- did a servant fall in love with a king or a queen; did a daughter want to break free of the royal reigns and move to a far away country to live with an indian man- castles & homes fascinate me. 

Stories fascinate me. 

Museums make me want to die. 

well, of course there are exceptions- I guess to truly enjoy the Van Gogh museum I would want to know the nitty gritty details- how did he grow up; was he in love at the time of a certain painting; was he in pain? 

Aside from his most famous paintings, one I really did like to see was a paiting of his friend- the description just said A friend of Van Gogh they spent a lot of time together- it was something that short and simple- that was not good enough for me. He admired his freind so much that he used his talent  to create a picture of her; he mixed the one thing he knew to do to express himself and his friend- he had to adore her, she had to be a special part of his life. 

I guess the best way for me to apreciate an artist is to read about them. 

This all sounds very generation x blah blah blah a museum bores more - whats up on instagram?
So here I am writing; trying to justify my simple mind- 

I call myself an artist- which I think at this point in my life I have the right to- My forte is performance art and I dont think Van Gogh, as impressive and artisitc as he is, would not enjoy going through a museum of my first monolouge all the way to the best of the best performance wise \\ I think a monolouge museum feat. Sierra Carter would bore the hell out of Van Gogh and thats okay. 

Maybe he would leave my museum ashamed that he couldnt get absorbed into my art. 

I like this part of life- the part that shows me I am kind of a shallow asshole or I am just not really into paintings.

 This is what I do like- I like to observe and watch people (as creepy as this sounds its all in good nature) I like to find a park on a beautiful day where people are all around- I like to see couples that are so madly in love with each other that they think they are the only ones in the park- couples that are so infatuated with one another that, for sure, they are the only ones in the park because their faces and tounges are buried deep inside each other's mouths- I like to watch the one business man on his break just taking a second at this park to live outside of the office; the mother with her child showing him or her all the flowers in the park; the runner who is dedicated to their run; the group of girls who sit and talk about the men in their lives; this is amazing because no matter what language you can tell when a woman is seriously bitching about the love in her life or if the woman is seriously happy with the love in her life; I like to try to idenify the tourist from the non-tourist; the first dates to the 50th one; the happy people from the sad or lonely ones; this is a form of art that I truly enjoy and I think my love for it makes me a better artist. 

So this is an open announcement that I kind of suck; an open apology to Van Gogh himself; and a realization that in order to be a smart, sophisticated, well educated woman does not mean I have to be in awe of all historical museums. 

And just like that I am slapped in the face with the teaching of traveling- you either like who you find you are or you forgive yourself for who you are not. 

with love.