consider me guilty.

Okay, so obviously I have neglected  this blog.

And its not that I have nothing to say or its not that I don’t find my everyday life interesting enough to Blog about but mostly its because I have gotten caught up in busy work. So I am guilty of leaving my little blog and doing other things and not committing to writing a lot, like a really want to do.

I am also guilty of a lot of other things so for your enjoyment:

Things I am Guilty of: 

• Having a to do list that is 4 pages longs and napping instead
• Blaming my napping on my Senioritis when I am actually clinging on my final year of college so tightly
• Texting or playing with my phone while driving, I really need to stop NOTHING is that important
• Saving a crazy amount of healthy recipes to my phone that I will probably never cook
• Getting extremely annoyed at elderly people when they cannot understand me on the phone at my work
• and then feeling really bad about how annoyed I got… they are old, be nice to them. 
• Being irrationally afraid of numbers I don’t know calling my phone and refusing to answer them
• sleeping in my bed with a number of things that need to be put away.. books, papers, clean clothes, shoes
• loving Miley Cyrus. (true fan since Hannah Montana) 
• not always checking someones I.D. when they check into the hotel I work at
• Owning too much and always looking for more pre-loved Jewelry 
• having way too many books on my “To read list” 
• speaking to my dog as if he was a person and speaking to him in a really HIGH pitched voice.
• not texting back. ever.
• communicating in grunts and weird sounds rather than actual words 
• not 100% sure of my actual bra size. 
• fantasizing about buying a whole cookie cake just for myself and eating only the icing. 
• letting country songs affect me way to0 much (melody starts… me crying)
• Using the obscure Emojis — like religiously 
• finding a new show on Netflix and binge watching it in a week
• wearing my jeans over 5 times before washing them.. is that bad to do do dooo?
• taking really awful selfies. 
• 

Cheers! 

Sierra 

be always blooming

here’s the thing,

I hoped to go to California and come back with the show stoppin, rump shaking, make you do a double take CONFIDENCE. I hoped to come out basically Beyonce. (or any of the pussy cat dolls or missy elliot)

Unfortunately, I am still a curly headed white girl who gets awkward around large groups, who gets a deeper voice when explaining stories, who may or may not have made a child cry by manly screaming when she saw pretzels at the mall* and who can make ordering food an awkward wordy conversation rather than a simply ordering.

The difference now is that I am not afraid of that person.

I am not afraid of being myself. I will tell you that it may take me awhile to warm up to you but I don’t fear awkward confrontations anymore. I have confronted myself with all the weird attributes I may have and been okay with the person I have become. I used to get down on myself like why am I not a go getter, why can’t I approach a group of attractive guys and say all the great things and have the charm of Lea Michele?Why cant I approach a stranger with out getting sweaty and laughing and maybe talking under my breath? Why does it take me forever to ask for what I want & why do I constantly judge myself on the person I am?

The first part of California I spent a lot of time alone, I mean Marissa was there and I had my internship but when she was at work and I wasn’t working, I was alone. Spending a lot of time alone makes you face the person that you are and in my case instead of hating or loving who I am, I realized I never actually gave myself credit for being good. I never actually allowed myself to like myself, I would just beat myself up when I failed at things I am just not ever going to be good at doing.

Now, I am not saying I am a completely changed  go-getter but I am working on it and instead of beating myself up I am okay with the goofy, insecure things I do. I can voice my ideas within the theatre world and not feel extremely insecure about it because they may not be great but they can grow into something. I have accepted the fact that business calls and confrontations will never go smoothly with me. I will never not be awkward or not have a moment of “….what….” with someone. I am happy with the fact that because I am the way I am, I probably have the best people in the world by my side. I only have people that make me feel good about the person I am;

and just for a rule of thumb if anyone ever makes you feel weird about being you, go ahead and kick them to the curb, you will be better for it.

Cheers!

Sierra

back to the simple life

Wow.

What a summer.

I have been thinking about this post —  all summer. I tried to predict what I would feel or what I say– I would recite clever lines in my head like “the rest is still unwritten” or “I am in love with the art of performance” just silly lines to fuel my final CALIFORNIA post. But honestly– I am at a loss for words. I have been back for a little while and it has taken me a lot longer to talk about my feelings than I ever expected.

The summer opened my eyes to a completely different world. A world that is dirty, expensive, full of traffic– but so overwhelmingly beautiful. I am so beyond blessed to have experienced this. I SAW KRISTEN WIIG IN REAL LIFE PERFORMING. That was a life goal and I accomplished it. I have said I wanted to move to L.A. since I was a little girl and all my childhood friends can vouch for that. I wanted to take classes at The Groundlings– DONE. I wanted to live in L.A. and I did it. I can say now that  I am back it is kind of like a reverse culture shock. California feels like a dream or like some alternate universe  I made up in my head. Its very strange.

So, what will I do now… That is what is scary, I am always working toward something– or having a plan for what my future holds and at this very moment I can only say WHO THE HELL KNOWS.

I know I want to take more IMPROV  classes. I know I want to be as talented as The Groundlings  I saw performing all summer and  I am confident that with training and heart I can do that. I want to check out Chicago and see how I like that city. Maybe I will end up back in California.

For now I am back.. and I am going to take little steps to inspire that goal setting soul I have. I am excited for my final year of college, so much good to come.

Cheers!

Sierra

cheese balls and lots of love

California is beautiful and so is my best friend. 

I know this is going to be cheesy and I know it might not mean anything to anyone else but I have spent time thinking of a clever status– or a clever S/O to Marissa thanking her for joining me on this journey and what I have come to find is that she deserves more than a measly 180 Characters- she needs a bigger thank you than this post but here it goes.

First of all I’d like everyone to understand what exactly the circumstances between us were this summer. We were in a new city so we only had each other therefore along with endeavoring a whole new way of life, we also only had each other to vent to about it. We also had to share a bed- we slept together in a tiny room and were constantly all up in each others space. If you are a girl I think you completely understand what kind of hell that can be– some best friends relationships are ruined after living with each other in separate rooms. However, I can happily say that Marissa and I have come out of this experience even closer than we were before.

I have been beyond blessed with this angel I call my friend.

So Thank You Marissa.

Thank you for taking a leap and joining me on this adventure. Thank you for venturing into the unknown, if it wasn’t for you I can truly say I would not of survived out here. Thank you, for holding my hand and crying over really bad Mexican food with me the second week here. Thank you for being a confidence booster and telling me exactly what I needed to hear at scary low times. Thank you for sharing a bed with me and not getting annoyed by my crazy antics and random morning songs. Thank you for being open to new experiences.  Thank you for taking care of me when once again my card was declined because its from Oklahoma. Thank you for all of your honest moments: how you really feel about boys I’ve dated, the potential you think I have, just the honest love you have given me. Thank you for needing me as well and always returning the love I give to you. Thank you for dealing with my high stress moments- the heavy traffic and finding parking always brought me into a state of harsh freak out and you always deal with it in the most positive way. Thank you for understanding that some country songs regardless if they apply to your life at all make you cry. Thank you for doing things just for my amusement and laughing at my stupid jokes. Thank you for being a total kid with me and going nuts at Disneyland and not judging but joining me in plans to push small children out of the way. Thank you for visiting my sweet Nana and holding me up in front of her because  I had for too much to drink.  Thank you for meeting my family and thoroughly enjoying them- they  love you. Thank you for dying laughing at the weirdest stuff and thank you for the memories.

Most of all, Thank you for being apart of my dream and thank you for instilling the confidence to move forward with what I wish to do.

—s0000 cheesy I know… go eat a cookie or watch a cat video- also here is this picture of  Marissa.

Cheers!!

Sierra

Currently exploring California

Hello Hello!

Please excuse my absence from this blog, I am afraid my days have gotten so busy I have neglected all inspirational writing thoughts and went about my happy way experiencing California.

I am sitting in Pam’s cute bungalow as I write this post. The cool breeze is coming in this non air conditioned space and I can move my arms to touch almost every furniture piece. I am listening to cars drive pass and sirens in the distance- if I walk down the road I could run into the homeless man who stays in the same dark spot mumbling words to himself and protecting his shopping cart full of goods- If I walked into the shop near him I could find gas that is almost $5.00 a gallon and overpriced candy bars–  I could say that this is very L.A.

But I have learned that much like the people in this city, the perspective of L.A. is a wide range of prospectives. To travelers- Seeing celebrities, going to the beach, walking down Hollywood Blvd and pursing a creative career is very L.A. To bitter residents- SO MUCH TRAFFIC, dirty streets, nasty smog and cold people is very L.A. To others- drinking coffee, bumming WIFI, dressing well, meeting a wide variety of people, having so much opportunity is very L.A.

Only being here a little over a month I cannot tell you what  I identify as L.A. but I can share with you my perspective so far- I can also share with you what I have been up to!

In-N-Out is for sure everything is it cracked up to be– If you get the chance to eat there do it. Perfection on a bun.

Marissa and I were lucky enough to meet these fine gentleman in a bar called Piano Bar one night. They were on vacation to L.A. from Scottland. We hung out with them randomly for their stay and now I think we can call them friends. Together we visited Santa Monica Pier, random bars and Mark ( the blonde one) got us into a VIP, exclusive club one night which was a great experience. Meeting them will be in the books for the summer we lived in Los Angeles.

L.A. just has all this inspirational quotes everywhere: walls, side walks, bar bathroom stalls

Venice Beach looks exactly like it does in the video game Grand Theft Auto, minus people getting killed and cars getting hijacked. Along the board walk there is a whole  strip of crazy shops and people.

Santa Monica Pier.

Just being grade A models at Malibu beach

One night a regular customer at Marissa’s work invited us to a Hollywood album release party. It had a disco ball, tacos and free mini margaritas– below is a picture of the cute drinks and Marissa being fabulous.

We also went to DisneyLand for the Fourth of July. It was great! Marissa and I were running around like 4 year olds and that was completely okay in The Happiest Place on Earth.

This is the only thing that made me a little mad about Disneyland– I know this isn’t really needed and nothing will ever come of my rant but here it goes. Ariel or as i’d like to call her, female dog dressed as Ariel– was kind of a bitch. There I said it. Sure, its a little weird that Marissa and I stood in line with toddlers dressed as various disney princesses to get a picture with you but sorry we grew up with an Ariel that was nice and had a beautiful voice. Sure we felt a little awkward when we came to the conclusion that you are probably are age but we were trying to make the best of our Disneyland experience. Sleeping Beauty didn’t mind at all– nor did Mickey Mouse.

So thanks Ariel.

I wasn’t that happy to see you anyway– im not worked up about it at all……..

We went snorkeling in San Diego and looked like total dorks.

So… I guess from my perspective.. taking happiness, frustration and the unknown in, looking at things with an open mind and going into things flying by the seat of your pants is very L.A.

but mostly it is very Sierra and I think thats the most important thing to be.

Cheers!

Sierra